Wanted: Mommy Friend

19 Jul

Sometimes I feel like posting this wanted sign. I feel like I’m back in the dating world. Trying to find the “perfect” friend who completes me. Now before I offend any of my current friends, let me explain.

See, I met some incredible girls when I was in college. My senior year I had 7 roommates…yes I said 7. We had tons of inside jokes, laughed all the time, and sang and danced to silly songs. But unfortunately these people do not live close. Heck, two of them live across the country. So it’s hard to keep in touch and “hang out” these days especially since I am the only one who has a kid. Most of the people I met in college do not live in my area.

Then there is my friend Meghan. We have been friends since the 6th grade. We have a lot of history together. She’s been there for me during my hard times and I’ve been there for her during hers. She was married and had a kid (while living in Virginia) when I was still in college. And as I have come to find out, it was hard find things in common with someone who does not have a kid, and on top of that not even married. So we grew apart until she moved back to FL. She is currently living here and has a 6-year-old, but that is the hard part. She has a 6-year-old and I have an 8 month old. It’s a little hard to get those two together and “play”. We still talk and hang out, but play dates are out of the picture.

Then there is my newest friend Nicole. She is perfect (and reads my blog. Hi Nicole!) She is a 1st time mom, has a 7 month old (our girls are exactly 1 month apart) and is active like me. You would think I would be in heaven. Here’s the problem. She lives almost an hour away. I know that doesn’t sound that bad, but when you have babies it is hard to spur of the moment say “hey I’m going to stop by”. It doesn’t work that way. As most of you know that turns out to be an all day event. So we try to get together at least once a month and let our babies “play” (but it is mostly for us to get together and have adult interaction).

And lastly I have my friends from church. We are all young married couples with either 1 or 2 kids and have lots in common, but my dilemma is that most of them already have their established friends.

So I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. I do have some amazing friends already, but for the reasons stated above, there are issues. And you know what? As soon as I would find a local mommy friend who shares my faith, has babies and our husbands get along, one of us would probably move. It’s a hard stage of life.

Have you had a similar experience? And how do you deal with it?

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15 Responses to “Wanted: Mommy Friend”

  1. Jenn (JC) July 19, 2010 at 10:06 am #

    I know how you feel Tori, I have friends and they are great but they all live about an hour away. I went to university later than others and my roomates are a few years younger than me and they are not married or have any kids.

    I’m also having a hard time finding a mommy friend and it’s tough.

  2. Carol Ann July 19, 2010 at 12:22 pm #

    Hi Torie! Thanks for stopping by. I’ve seen your comments on Liz’s blog (my bestie) and have been reading yours here and there for awhile now πŸ™‚

    I had this issue. Especially, when my 1st was born, and none of my friends had kids yet. It got easier as baby got older. It was easier for her to play at the park, and for me to interact with other mom’s, and then as she went to school/daycare that presented a whole social network of people, with kids my daughter’s age (and it’s at our church, which makes it even a bigger connection). It just takes one friend, one person who can fill that little gap, to help make things seem easier. You’ll find it.

    And, while I’m here. Liz and I had dinner in Tampa last week, and we were thinking that it’d be pretty darn awesome, if we could meet up with other FL mommybloggers IRL. Have dinner in a central location, make a night out of swapping blog stories, and advice. Any interest? Maybe grab LeeAnn, and some others too…

  3. Karen July 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    Hi Torie, what a great post, I think a lot of Moms can agree with you. I find it so hard to make Mommy friends. I am a pretty friendly person, but in real life, I don’t want people to think I am some sort of stalker or weirdo if I try to go out of my way to introduce myself!!!
    I have found that I talk to a lot of my Mommy neighbors which is a good starting point. I certainly have not met my “mommy bestie” yet, that is for sure. I feel like I have a lot of Mommy aquaintences. No one I can just call up and have a heart to heart with or vent about my bad day.
    I wish you lived up here in Cleveland or vice versa, I would love to hang out with our girls! πŸ™‚

    Karen

  4. Katie July 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm #

    Oh honey!!! I wish I lived closer!!! I will always be your mommy bestie!!!! I went through this and I still do. At least you have your mom close by, she is the best friend you will ever have. I try to talk to people at the pool and around the neighborhood. It is hard to find that one person you connect with and will stay connected with. I have Becky, but as you said about your church friends, she has her family close by and already has her established friends. As far as I hear it will get better as Rylie (and future others) gets older and has friends that she plays with, the mommy connection just happens I guess. I LOVE YOU!!!!

  5. Victoria July 19, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    I feel exactly like this! I feel more desperate for mommy friends than I ever did for boyfriends, friends, etc in the past. It’s so hard to find another mommy to really click with that isn’t so far away!

  6. justine July 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

    my bff and i met while we lived in hawaii, and now she is in CO and we are in GA. we get together about once every 2 months. but since we have been here, i have had a little bit of trouble getting friends with little one’s b’s age…7 months! (we could be friends!)

    but! there is hope! try meetup.com. seriously. OR plan a weekly playgroup with your church friends. and maybe ask if you can put it in the bulletin, then there are bound to be new people coming to your church, and you can use those opportunities to develop friendships with more people.

    hang in there momma! =)

  7. Liz July 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    Trust me… I’ve totally been there!

    When Abby was first born, it was a real transition for me. My hubby and I were out of state during her birth and first two months. Since he plays baseball in a city other than our home, it was difficult for me. I was surrounded with other baseball wives, but they were still doing there own thing with their families and attending games, which I wasn’t going often. I did have family around and childhood friends, but it just wasn’t the same.

    Then I came home to FL and things got easier. I was back around friends with children and it made things so much better. I also joined a Mommy group in the area. Have you thought about doing that?

    Oh yeah… I read Carol’s comment and we did think it would be fun to meet and have dinner πŸ™‚ Let’s plan something!

  8. harmskills July 19, 2010 at 6:04 pm #

    look up and see if there is a new mom meet up (meetup.com) or something like that in your area. The two moms you know from Church, invite them over for a playdate. And they will probably reciprocate and invite you and maybe some of their established mom friends and you can network that way. I have also met moms at the local park, through our music together class. You have to make the fun happen and invite them to do stuff (meet for coffee, time at the playground, go for a walk together)

  9. laurapayette July 19, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    I’m in a similar boat. We moved not long before having our baby, so I didn’t even have many friends in the area period. I was lucky to meet some moms-to-be in my prenatal classes at the rec center, but the rec center is 25 mins. away from our house, and all those now-moms live in that vicinity, so it’s not convenient.

    However, those moms are at least filling the void for now, and they’re great, but I, too, would like to meet moms closer to home. I’ve joined several meetup groups, but the ones in my area mostly have moms with toddlers; there aren’t many babies. I’ll keep trying! I think it just takes time and requires us to put ourselves out there a bit.

  10. Victoria July 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm #

    I think it’s very common problem. I remember when we had our first son I was ready to go and knock at people’s doors in our neighborhood (since i knew few of them had babies at the same time) and ask them if they want to come over. We were new in town I didn’t know so many people. In our church we had tons of babies, but all of them were a year older than our son, and most of them had older siblings. So other moms already had their group of friends or were busy with older children. I remember one Sunday one couple visited our church. They had a baby very close to our baby’s age, so I asked the mom if she wants to come over. We invited one more mom, and that’s how our playgroup started. I learned that I need to take initiative. We invited several other moms. Also it worked for us, since I offered my place for the play group meeting every week. We used to meet for two hours every Tuesday. Later some other moms offered their houses for our play group, so we started rotating. But for the first couple years we met at my house. I didn’t fix any meals, so it was easy just to prepare the house. Later when we started rotating the houses, we also started serving lunch. But it was easier doing it once a month and not every week.

    I hope you can find good friends in your community. Two things helped me: I took the initiative to invite people, and I was willing to offer our place for weekly play groups (after your group is well established, other moms will feel more comfortable hosting it too).

  11. LeeAnn July 20, 2010 at 12:09 pm #

    Any time you want to get Bryce and Rylie together to play, you just let me know. πŸ™‚ Unfortunately, though, it would have to be on a weekend. I am with Carol and Liz and would definitely be up for meeting somewhere! Tampa/St. Pete would be great too…because that is where my free babysitters are!

    Back to your post – I totally get what you’re saying and I have been there. I have been friends with my BFF since we were 14 years old, and she is not married and doesn’t have kids. I hate to say it, but we have definitely drifted apart since the kids were born. She would still do anything for us, and I for her, but we just don’t have that much in common anymore. It is so sad. I am lucky that I have met a few really awesome mom friends locally! And most of them I met through a local message board. I have found that you just have to reach out and try to set up play dates, etc. You would be surprised at how many other moms out there feel the same way you do.

    And BTW…next time we plan a play date…you and Rylie are totally invited. πŸ˜€

  12. gatorbaby July 20, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    I totally understand where you are coming from Torie! I’ve said to Ryan many times that I wished we lived closer to eachother because it would be easier to get together more often! I have friends here in STC with kids but they are all 2 years and older…so even that is hard…with a 7 month old the kids really can’t “play”. Hang in there…I know it’s hard right now but you never know when life changes on you and someone may come along that fits your needs. I can’t wait to see you on Monday though…we have so much to catch up on!

  13. Erin Breedlove July 22, 2010 at 7:22 am #

    Totally understand. I went through no friends when i moved from NC to MD. Then the friends i finally made lives started changing. Needed “new” friends. Then my life started changing and started hanging out with old friends and loosing touch with new friends b/c their lives weren’t changing.

    Now i have like 3 people i would call Mommy friends. They all already have their “person” that completes them but i don’t. I’m close to them and can call them up but it’s just not the same.

    My advice… pray and give it time. Even when you find that person, that fits and lives close… it will take time to form what you had with other.

    it’ll happen!

  14. Shannon July 22, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    Oh I could’ve totally written this post myself. Since we moved I have very few girlfriends and most of them were through work. Now that I’m a stay at home mom, I sometimes feel so alone!!!

    I love blogging and meeting everyone, but wish that we lived in the same towns and didn’t just have to be virtual friends!!!

    Having kids is such a fun time, I just wish I had more friends to share the experience with. Hopefully I’ll meet other moms this fall when I enroll GG in music class and Little Gym.

    We’ll get there, it just may take a while!

  15. Erin July 24, 2010 at 1:12 am #

    I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from! You are not the only one that feels this way. I have plenty of acquaintances here in TN, but no close friends because I just haven’t CLICKED with anyone. It is really hard to find someone to get close with now that I am older. Everyone has their own thing going on and busy lives. I haven’t lived here very long and I know that it will come in due time, but it doesn’t make it any easier!

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