Staying Positive

18 Oct

I’d like to think that I am a positive person. I always try to see the good in every situation and most people. My husband on the other hand can be a bit of a negative Nancy. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. I’d like to think it is the skeptic in him.

Last week we were bickering about something petty. After we resolved our issue I looked over at him and said “I bet you couldn’t last one week without saying something negative to me.” Being the “positive” person that I am (or at least think I am), I decided to join in on the bet. The remainder of the night was filled with loving words like “sweetie” “honey” “sugar” and “anything for you dear.” Words that come easy when you are trying to win a bet.

Amongst all the hustle and bustle of every day life, I almost forgot about our deal. I typically get to talk to my husband while he has a break at work and that day I noticed a change in his tone. We both were waiting on the opposite line to see if the other would slip. I was on my best behavior and didn’t spit out any discouraging or hurtful words.

The next morning he was being his goofy self when I almost spouted out “you’re so stupid.” You must know that when I normally say that to him I don’t mean it literally. What I mean to say is “you’re silly” but sometimes that sounds so Leave it to Beaver. I did catch myself before I could finish. I had gotten out the words “you are so”, paused, and then finished it with “goofy.” He called me out, but I defended myself so I wouldn’t lose (because that’s what matters, right?)

A similar situation happened later that night, but I did not catch myself. “You are dumb” came right out of my mouth. He called me out and I lost the bet. I couldn’t believe that “little miss positive” had lost the bet. It was in that moment that I realized that I am not as positive and uplifting as I think I am. When it comes to my own husband I let my tongue get the best of me. I don’t think about how words like “stupid” or “dumb” could really hurt someone’s feelings. My husband is not the type to get his feelings hurt or take something personally ,but that is besides the point. The point is that I am supposed to be an encourager, motivator and supporter of my husband, not the one who tears him down.

This little bet turned into something much bigger. It helped me realize that I need to be supportive in everything I say to him, in every situation because lets face it…my child is watching. She will see the way I treat her daddy and do the same not only to him, but others around her. I don’t want to be the one who teaches my child to call people names.  I want to teach her to love everyone even if they are acting “silly.”

I want to challenge you. With out telling your spouse or significant other, plan to go at least 7 days without saying one negative thing to them. See if they notice, and see if you can notice a change in yourself. For some it will be difficult and others will find it a breeze, but in the end I think it is worth it. Lets lift one another up, not tear each other down. Our children will see this and learn to do the same.

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5 Responses to “Staying Positive”

  1. FoxyMomma October 18, 2010 at 11:31 am #

    i loooove this! i see so many people put their husbands down.. and i know i have done it from time to time & my hubby will put me in my place. but i see some ppl on twitter or facebook constantly putting their husbands down.. even their kids & it just makes me want to un-friend them or say something to them. i know i’m not always the most positive person, but i hate to see people putting down the people they love.. especially on social networks for the world to see. it’s not cute.. it’s a turn-off. and i take the challenge! 😉

  2. LeeAnn October 18, 2010 at 11:52 am #

    Great post Torie! I actually thought about this a couple weeks ago. My husband and I are both very sarcastic and we always say crap like that to each other. We know that it is just being silly, but the kids don’t. I agree with you that you don’t want them learning to call other people names. We *rarely* argue, but when we do, I try really hard to make sure the kids aren’t around.

    And I agree with the previous comment…I HATE it when people constantly trash their spouse on Twitter or Facebook. I just don’t get it. If you can’t stand your spouse that much, then maybe you shouldn’t be together. When you constantly bad mouth your spouse, you just look stupid. I’m not talking about the joking like you were talking about in your post…I’m talking about people that really put their spouses down. I just don’t get it.

  3. D @ Unpolished Parenting October 18, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

    What a great idea! My husband and I can be pretty snarky towards each other and this really puts it into perspective. I’d like to think I’m up for the challenge… and if not for my relationship with my husband, then definitely for my daughter. But I’d like to be more encouraging and supportive, so I’ll do it for him too 🙂

  4. Miranda October 18, 2010 at 2:13 pm #

    This is such a good idea!

  5. Shannon October 20, 2010 at 7:49 am #

    What a great challenge and I’m game…starting Monday, okay no, starting today! Haha! I’ll have to keep you posted and this will definitely be a challenge for me, as I tend to point out the negative much too often!

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