If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a little M.I.A. from my blog lately. I have posted a couple of things here and there, but they are mostly last-minute posts that I really didn’t put much thought into. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but couldn’t find a way to get my feelings across. Life has been pretty crazy lately, so there have been a few distractions like Seth and I house hunting for the past month or so. With our family growing in the next few months our living space needs to as well. It has kind of taken a priority in our lives.
I have also been
preparing thinking about (because lets face it–I haven’t packed a thing) for Blog Her. I leave on Wednesday and I haven’t done much to prepare, but it has been on my mind. I am filled with anxiety, excitement and a completely overwhelmed feeling most days. I’m sure everything will be just fine once I arrive though.
And then there is the business of growing a child and not to mention chasing after one too. When I do get a free minute I just want to rest. Or sleep. Or stare at the wall. Or all of the above.
But in the midst of all the chaos currently in my life, God is still teaching me things. I’ve got to be honest–I’ve been going through a dim period with God. Through out my walk with Christ there have been many ups and downs. There have been times where I am so on fire for Him that I could explode, but on the contrary there have been times where I’ve totally ignored Him. The past few months I have landed somewhere in between. I am longing for that fire again–for that passion to consume me , but somehow it fails to ignite. I pray for it, I read my Bible and I listen to encouraging music–so what else am I suppose to do? The hardest part for me is knowing what it feels like to be completely passionate about Him. I long for those days again. I long for the passion to consume me like it once had.
And then the softest whisper hits me like a ton of bricks.
I hear him say;
“Be patient Torie. I am right there with you always, but it may take some time for that passion to return. Be diligent and don’t give up on me as I will never give up on you. You will be better and stronger than ever before. I love you.”
Things will not change overnight. It will take some time, but I know that if I am persistent with prayer, reading my Bible and having fellowship that I will feel closer to Him than ever. He is faithful in His promises and sometimes there is a lesson in our searching. Just as a parent wants their child to learn and not have everything handed to them, He is doing the same for me. I didn’t understand why He wouldn’t light that fire I desired so bad, but I now realize how great His affections are for me.
“Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”